Musical Mondays—Talking to Myself

I've been struggling, lately, to find things to write about. I like to keep things light-hearted around here, but sometimes it's next to impossible to keep things light when there's an enormous storm front of an issue(s) looming overhead that derails almost every thought process.

I want to be honest in this space—that is the biggest reason I left my old blog and started up here; I was afraid people at work were reading my blog and all I could think or write about was building our house and moving, but no one at work could know.

I want to be genuine in this space. I have made a habit out of compartmentalizing thoughts and feelings over the years so as not to unintentionally hurt people I love dearly. One of my goals with this move was to remove myself from the situations that made me feel I needed to compartmentalize so I could just be myself.

The longer I've been here, away from there, I've come to realize that the most earnest stressor that compels me to compartmentalize really comes from one area. Sure, I still compartmentalized my personality with other people and groups, but it has been easy to defragment myself in those areas and become whole.

I want to be free to be blunt here. To speak/write first and think later. But I can't. That one compartmentalizing pressure is a regular reader. Even though what I would write would be personal and cathartic in intent, it would instead be interpreted as critical and hurtful through a lens of extreme depression. And so my tongue and fingers are tied.

And I've probably said too much already and will be dealing with the backlash for weeks.

Anyhow, I'm going to try to do better and get up more fun stuff beyond music and cooking (but I do really like to cook!) while I continue having conversations with myself over how honest I can be here.

So, "If you hear me talking to myself, I'm just running through the words I have to say to you." Not my usual type of tunage, but when I heard those lines I was like, "YES! That's exactly what I do!" (I usually do this in the shower. Running through scenarios in my head—"if I say this, she'll just respond with that.") (Or while cooking.)

Talking to Myself
Chiddy Bang

If you hear me ever talking to myself
I'm just running through the words I have to say to you
Is it over, or is it too soon to tell?
I'm just trying not push myself away from you

I know we arguing, I know we fight a lot
You always think I'm wrong, I think I'm right a lot
And when you see me don't I always make your day
You from BK, but you can't always have it your way
She wanna hit the city, ripping the mall
I always seem to be busy, she expecting my call
The fast life could make us happiest, upsettin' us all
Cause all the anniversaries, forgettin' 'em all
But don't be mad, love, I know where it's at love
She Jolie but it's pitiful, that's that Brad love
What happens when it all goes wrong, we was nice, generosity
And impossibly enough, it's animosity
I think I gotta just change up my game plan
Cause she and gone fall back in love with the same man
But no matter what weather or what the rain bring
In the end I'm coming back for the same thing

If you hear me ever talking to myself
I'm just running through the words I have to say to you
Is it over, or is it too soon to tell?
I'm just trying not push myself away from you

If you hear me ever talking to myself
I'm just running through the words I have to say to you
Is it over, or is it too soon to tell?
I'm just trying not push myself away from you

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I left out some lyrics. Clearly this song was written about a couple, and my situation doesn't involve a couple and the lyrics were just getting stupid. Not to mention the grammar, or lack of, was driving me a little crazy!

Chiddy Bang - Talking To Myself (Live) - Music - More Music Videos

Musical Mondays—Soldier of Love

I don't quite remember how I originally came across this song, but it resonated with me the first time I heard it and it seems to be cropping up in my playlist a lot lately.

Several people I know and love have been burned in love recently, so I thought I'd share this song.

Soldier of Love
Sade

I've lost the use of my heart
But I'm still alive
Still looking for the life
The endless pool on the other side
It's a wild wild west
I'm doing my best

I'm at the borderline of my faith,
I'm at the hinterland of my devotion
In the frontline of this battle of mine
But I'm still alive

I'm a soldier of love
Every day and night
I'm soldier of love
All the days of my life

I've been torn up inside (oh!)
I've been left behind (oh!)
So I ride
I have the will to survive

In the wild wild west,
Trying my hardest
Doing my best
To stay alive

I am love's soldier!

I wait for the sound
(oooh oohhh)

I know that love will come (that love will come)
Turn it all around

I'm a soldier of love (soldier of love)
Every day and night
I'm a soldier of love
All the days of my life

I am lost but I don't doubt
(oh!)
So I ride
I have the will to survive

In the wild wild west,
Trying my hardest
Doing my best
To stay alive

I am love's soldier!

I wait for the sound

I know that love will come
I know that love will come
Turn it all around

I'm a soldier of love
I'm a soldier

Still waiting for love to come
Turn it all around

Still waiting for love to come
Turn it all around

Still waiting for love to come
Turn it all around

Still waiting for love to come

Well, You Asked!

Apparently, "Get pregnant," wasn't the response Scoob was looking for when he asked me what I wanted to do today.

Tortilla Soup

Oh my, oh my, oh my. I'm so happy the weather cooled off a bit because now I can make this soup again!

Did I tell you I got a new cookbook? No? Well, I did. And I'm loving it!

About a month ago I ordered Appetite for Reduction by Isa Chandra Moskowitz. If that name sounds familiar it may be because I've also got her Veganomicon cookbook and have posted my experiences with some of those recipes too.

**Full disclosure: I work for the parent publishing company that also handles Appetite for Reduction, but I paid full price for it. Well, I paid Amazon price for it. Which was just stupid, because if I had ordered it through work I would have gotten it for half price. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not getting paid or compensated in any way to shill for this book.

Although Moskowitz is a vegan, I am not, so I do not adhere to a strict vegan interpretation when cooking her recipes, but I love how she approaches veggies. Meat is now an afterthought at mealtime, and more often than not, we end up going meatless.

I've tried 8 recipes from Appetite for Reduction so far and we have loved all of them. Well, love might be a bit strong for the Yam and Black Bean Soup with Orange and Cilantro; but it was tasty and I would make it again. One thing I appreciate about Appetite over Veganomicon is that the recipes are decidedly healthier in Appetite (almost all of them come in under 400 calories) and all of the recipes include basic nutritional information, which was lacking in Veganomicon.

Anyhow, I tried this recipe a couple weeks ago just as the weather was beginning to warm up again. I ladled out about a cup of soup into each of our bowls and we sat down to dinner. Given my past experiences with Moskowotz's recipes, I don't know why I thought this soup was going to be "meh," but as soon as we took our first bite both of us knew we would want a second helping. It's. That. Good!

So I'm stoked to make this again. And, it only takes about 30 minutes to pull together! Which is another thing I appreciate about Appetite, a lot of the recipes can be on the table in 30–45 minutes. Some recipes require more time, but a lot of it is hands-off time. Anyhow, let's get our soup on!

Oh-so-yummy Tortilla Soup!

Tortilla Soup

Prep time:15 minutes
Total time:30 minutes
Servings:6 servings

Ingredients

1 tsp olive oil

1 small onion, diced

2 jalapeños, seeded and sliced thinly

1 poblano pepper, seeded and chopped into ½-inch pieces

4 cloves of garlic, minced

¼ tsp red pepper flakes

1 tsp kosher salt

28-oz can of diced tomatoes

24 oz of broth (I use chicken)

4 oz tortilla chips (about 2 cups)

1 Tbsp ground cumin

15-oz can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 cup frozen corn

½ cup fresh cilantro, chopped

juice from 1 lime

1 ripe avocado, pitted and sliced

Directions

1. Preheat a 4-quart pot over medium-high heat. Sauté onions, jalapeños, and poblano in about 5 minutes, or until the onions are translucent. Add the garlic, red pepper flakes, and salt, and sauté for another minute.


2. Add the tomatoes (with liquid) and broth to the pot. Mix in the cumin and crush 2 ounces of the tortilla chips into little pieces and crumbs and add that to the pot.


3. Cover and bring to a boil, then lower heat to a simmer, add the beans, corn, and cilantro, and let simmer for another 5 minutes.


4. Add the lime juice and taste for salt. Ladle into bowls, crumble remaining tortilla chips over the top and garnish with cilantro and avocado slices.

The original recipe called for whole tomatoes and sliced onions, but Scoob doesn't like onions, but I can sneak them past him when they're chopped small enough, and I cannot handle the texture of large chunks of cooked tomato, hence the diced onion and tomato. I also swapped chicken broth for vegetable, black beans for pinto, and the avocado is all mine. It isn't pictured above because I didn't think of it until we had the leftovers, but it was yummy!

So without my alterations, this recipe has 270 calories, 50g carbs, 10g fiber, 12g protein, 0 cholesterol, and 820mg sodium. I'm going to ease up on the salt a little tonight because we do try to be as low sodium as we can here with Scoob's blood pressure.

Musical Mondays—Tighten Up

I've had this song on my playlist forever, but I just saw the video for it this weekend and it made me laugh. So now I'm sharing it with you.

Yeah, I know there should be more backstory, but that's all I got.

Tighten Up
The Black Keys

I wanted love, I needed love,
Most of all, most of all
Someone said true love was dead
And I'm bound to fall, bound to fall
For you
Oh, what can I do?
Yeah

Take my badge but my heart remains
Lovin' you, baby child
Tighten up on your reins
You're runnin' wild, runnin' wild
It's true

Sick for days,
So many ways
I'm achin' now,
'M achin' now
It's times like these I need relief
Please show me how,
Oh show me how
To get right,
Yes outta sight

When I was young and moving fast
Nothing slowed me down,
Oh slowed me downNow I let the others pass
I've come around,
Oh come around
'Cause I've found

Living just to keep going
Going just to be sane
All the while live knowing
Such a shame

I don't need to get steady
I know just how I feel
Telling you to be ready
My dear

Lemon Poppy Seed Bundt Cake

I'm pretty sure I mentioned that friends of ours are moving and they've been getting rid of some things, which means we've been finding some things. Well, one of the things I found was a bundt cake pan. My who being just lit up when I spotted the bundt cake pan. I don't know why I love bundt cake, but I do.

And I especially love lemon poppy seed bundt cake! Actually, now that I think about it, I don't know that I've ever had any other kind of bundt cake. Hmmm. Whatever.

I always remembered my mom saying bundt cakes were difficult, so I was a little scared of what might happen. But my first bundt cake adventure turned out swell. And tasty!

(Yes. I said swell.)

Rockin' the apron!

Out of the oven to cool.

Lo a bundt cake! A lemon poppy seed bundt cake.

Lemon Poppy Seed Bundt Cake

Prep time:1–1¼ hours

INGREDIENTS
Cake

1 cup butter, at room temperature

2 cups sugar

4 eggs

½ tsp vanilla

zest from two lemons

juice from one lemon

1 cup buttermilk

3 cups flour

3 Tbsps poppy seeds

½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp baking soda

Glaze

1 cup confectioner's sugar

2 Tbsps lemon juice

DIRECTIONS
Cake

1. Oil and flour your bundt pan. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Beat butter and sugar together in a medium-sized mixing bowl until fluffy. Add in eggs and vanilla and beat well. Add in remaining ingredients and beat until completely combined.


2. Pour batter into the prepared bundt pan and bake for 45-55 minutes, until cooked through. Remove from oven and set on a wire rack for 5 minutes.


3. Remove from pan and continue to cool on the wire rack. Drizzle with glaze, once cooled.

Glaze

1. Whisk together until smooth. Cover until ready to use.

I thought it had a bit too much glaze. I like the extra punch of sour the glaze adds, but it is quite sweet. If a make this again (if, ha! who am I kidding?) I may cut the glaze in half or just try a dusting of confectioner's sugar.

Musical Mondays—Down by the Riverside

I've never been one to listen to overtly religious music, and I've certainly never sought it out.

A while back, a guy in our Berkeley office who wrote and edited a music magazine was cleaning out his office and put USPS buckets full of CDs in the hallway for the taking. We're taking about 30 USPS buckets. Full to the brim.

Turns out he had a friend who was in one of those music clubs, and his friend would record every single CD he got for his music magazine friend. Every. Single. CD. For years. Even after the music magazine friend asked him to stop.

Repeatedly.

Anyhow, it was huge boon for us in the office. A lot of us would take home 20 or so CDs, copy them to iTunes, then bring them back to the office, and take another 20. Eventually someone got tired of looking at the CDs piled in the hallway, but I ended up getting a lot of great music (and a lot or crap, to be sure) I never would have found otherwise. And I didn't even make through two full buckets.

One of the gems I did rip was The Gospel of the Blues. I find the songs at turns relaxing and uplifting. Anyhow, seemed appropriate for our post-Easter Monday.

Down by the Riverside
Sister Rosetta Tharpe and the Sam Price Trio

I feel so bad in the morning
I feel so bad in the middle of the day
I feel so bad in the evening
that's why i'm going to the river, to wash my sins away

I'm gonna lay down my heavy load, down by the riverside,
Down by the riverside, down by the riverside
I'm gonna lay down my heavy load, down by the riverside,
I'm gonna study war no more

I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more
I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more
I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more

Well, I'm gonna put on my long white robe,
(Where?) down by the riverside (Oh)
Down by the riverside, down by the riverside
I'm gonna put on my long white robe,
(Where?) down by the riverside
I'm gonna study war no more

I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more
I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more
I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more

Well, I'm gonna lay down my sword and shield,
(Where?) down by the riverside
Down by the riverside, down by the riverside
I'm gonna lay down my sword and shield,
(A-ha) down by the riverside
I'm gonna study war no more

I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more
I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more
I ain't a gonna study war no more,
I ain't a gonna study war no more

Easter Buckeyes

I hope y' all had a great Easter. Easter apparently means surprises, and I got a doozey when I rolled over into a "gift" from Madame Barf-O-Matic in bed. So my Easter started with stripping the bed, lots of laundry, and a shower. Never mind that my hair was still wet from last night's shower.

But the day got better. I made up a big Sunday breakfast for Scoob and I and there was lots of cuddling on of the sofa with a very repentant Dozer. And as long as I was doing laundry I decided to vacuum, and scrub the toilets and shower. I even got some time to work on the jigsaw puzzle I've been ignoring for a few weeks.

Scoob said something about wanting Easter eggs for Easter, but I just couldn't bring myself to color up a bunch of eggs. Well, that and he told me this the day before Easter! Because I always keep a pack of Paas dye handy. Don't you? Actually, I think it was all part of his plan to avoid mowing the lawn again. It's getting awfully tall—approaching mid-shin in places—with plenty of great egg hiding places.

So instead of dying Easter eggs, I decided to make Buckeyes shaped like eggs. I'd never heard of Buckeyes before this, but how can peanut butter and chocolate be bad?

What do yo think, do these resemble eggs or acorns?

Even the bluebird is confused.

Easter Buckeyes

Prep time:1–1½ hours

Ingredients

¾ cup ccreamy peanut butter, room temperature

1 stick unsalted butter, softened

2 cups confectioners' sugar

½ tsp vanilla extract

¼ tsp kosher salt

½ pound bittersweet chocolate

Directions

1. With an electric mixer, beat peanut butter and butter until creamy. On low speed, mix in the confectioners' sugar, vanilla, and salt (mixture will be crumbly).


2. Shape tablespoonfuls of dough into "eggs" and place on a wax or parchment paper-lined baking sheet. Freeze until firm, about 15 minutes


3. Melt the chocolate. (I melt mine in the microwave on full power in 30 second bursts, stirring between bursts.) Dip each "egg" into the chocolate about halfway and return to the cold baking sheet. Refrigerate on the baking sheet for 30 minutes.

Happy Easter!

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

- e e cummings

Don't Blink

I swear, I blinked and the world has suddenly gone green around me. It was sort of sneaky at first, with the wild dogwoods opening up, and now… BAM! It's like we live in a forest.

Well, we sorta do. But that's not the point.

It actually looks like a forest now.

Several azalea blooms survived the deer. We'll net off the flower
beds next fall and hopefully have healthier plants next spring.

My kousa dogwood is showing signs of life in the front yard.
I think it will be pink. No idea, really.

The backyard from the porch. We'll have to thin some of understory, partly
for fire prevention (like anything could catch a spark in the humidity!) and
partly for tick prevention (probably the more real problem).

I like how those two trees frame this shot. Scoob needs to mow.

This will look so different when someone starts building on
the lot next to us, but for now, we'll enjoy the wildness of it.

Musical Mondays—Gimme Shelter

We had a good weekend. I had to bow out of supper club on Saturday night due to allergies—aside from itchy eyes, physically I felt better than I had all week, but the amount of sniffing, sneezing, and general wheezing would undoubtedly ruin everyone else's appetites. So I stayed home.

I did some weeding in the yard on Sunday and checked in on the garden. It looks like every thing we planted from starts has taken, now I'm just waiting for some seeds to sprout. Hoping to get some pictures of the garden box up soon. I got a pretty decent work out in, too, and did a ton of laundry because the cats are shedding all over everything.

But, as usual, Scoob put me to shame with how much he got accomplished. He sanded and stained the back patio and stairs (it looks so much nicer now), mulched up piles of leaves all around the house, and sprayed the lawn for mosquitoes, ticks, and chiggers.

The thunder storms have eased up a bit around here. I'm sure we'll have plenty more, but we're enjoying the sunshine in the meantime.

During our last big storm, I went out on the front porch to watch awhile and kept seeing a dark blob out of the corner of my eye overhead. At first I thought the mud wasps had been really busy, but on closer inspection it was just a little birdie, all puffed up in the corner, taking shelter from the storm.

Poor guy.

Just as lightening was flashing.

Little birdie puff ball.

I've been so knocked out on Benadryl at night for allergies I have no idea if there's music in my dreams or not. So this Musical Monday is in little birdie's honor.

Gimme Shelter
Rolling Stones

Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

The floods is threat'ning
My very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

I tell you love, sister, it's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
Kiss away, kiss away