Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Being Supportive

Sometimes, being supportive is one of the hardest things to do. Actually, being supportive isn't hard, it's keeping my tongue between my teeth and the words in my mouth while being supportive that's hard.

I've often said that our friends here in North Carolina are Scoob's only family—he's been friends with them for nearly 30 years. Scoob's father passed away in the mid-1980s, and his mother died of cancer in January 2003, shortly after we moved in together.

His dad was adopted, so if Scoob has aunts, uncles, or cousins, he doesn't know about them. His mom was a war bride from Japan, and although he has met his aunts and uncles in Japan, it was only once and a very long time ago.

But Scoob does have a younger brother. A brother who barely spoke to him except to argue during the years before their mom died. A brother I met during our brief trip to Hawai'i to visit his mom while she was sick, but Scoob didn't really even get to visit with his mom because he and Brother stayed holed up in the basement fighting over money the entire time.

Scoob's relationship with his brother has always been distressing to me. It's been a little over 9 years since their mother died, and despite Scoob reaching out to his brother on several occasions, the only contact the 2 of them have had has been by email, through the sister-in-law. They are each the other's only living relative and they do not speak.

Until last week.

Last week, Scoob's sister-in-law emailed to get our new number. Scoob is talking with Brother now, which makes it the third call in a week. The purpose of the first 2 calls was so that Brother could try to convince Scoob to get in on what sounds like a pyramid scheme, so I'm not very hopeful that call number 3 will be any different or that they'll be mending fences.

I want them to—I want very much that Scoob and Brother have a better relationship—but the fact that this, THIS, is what finally got Brother to make contact is really just cheesing me off.

But it's not about what I want or feel, so I'm trying very hard to keep all that put away and just be here, ready to listen, once the call is over.


  1. maybe scoobs brother isnt the kinds person scoob really wants in his life.. some fences arent meant to be be mended.. you have them (fences) to keep the livestock safe.. not to keep the wolves in. i am not judging the brother as i dont know him. im just voicing my opinion. and seldom do i not have one. learning when to voice it is my struggle! LOL