Musical Mondays—Talking to Myself

I've been struggling, lately, to find things to write about. I like to keep things light-hearted around here, but sometimes it's next to impossible to keep things light when there's an enormous storm front of an issue(s) looming overhead that derails almost every thought process.

I want to be honest in this space—that is the biggest reason I left my old blog and started up here; I was afraid people at work were reading my blog and all I could think or write about was building our house and moving, but no one at work could know.

I want to be genuine in this space. I have made a habit out of compartmentalizing thoughts and feelings over the years so as not to unintentionally hurt people I love dearly. One of my goals with this move was to remove myself from the situations that made me feel I needed to compartmentalize so I could just be myself.

The longer I've been here, away from there, I've come to realize that the most earnest stressor that compels me to compartmentalize really comes from one area. Sure, I still compartmentalized my personality with other people and groups, but it has been easy to defragment myself in those areas and become whole.

I want to be free to be blunt here. To speak/write first and think later. But I can't. That one compartmentalizing pressure is a regular reader. Even though what I would write would be personal and cathartic in intent, it would instead be interpreted as critical and hurtful through a lens of extreme depression. And so my tongue and fingers are tied.

And I've probably said too much already and will be dealing with the backlash for weeks.

Anyhow, I'm going to try to do better and get up more fun stuff beyond music and cooking (but I do really like to cook!) while I continue having conversations with myself over how honest I can be here.

So, "If you hear me talking to myself, I'm just running through the words I have to say to you." Not my usual type of tunage, but when I heard those lines I was like, "YES! That's exactly what I do!" (I usually do this in the shower. Running through scenarios in my head—"if I say this, she'll just respond with that.") (Or while cooking.)

Talking to Myself
Chiddy Bang

If you hear me ever talking to myself
I'm just running through the words I have to say to you
Is it over, or is it too soon to tell?
I'm just trying not push myself away from you

I know we arguing, I know we fight a lot
You always think I'm wrong, I think I'm right a lot
And when you see me don't I always make your day
You from BK, but you can't always have it your way
She wanna hit the city, ripping the mall
I always seem to be busy, she expecting my call
The fast life could make us happiest, upsettin' us all
Cause all the anniversaries, forgettin' 'em all
But don't be mad, love, I know where it's at love
She Jolie but it's pitiful, that's that Brad love
What happens when it all goes wrong, we was nice, generosity
And impossibly enough, it's animosity
I think I gotta just change up my game plan
Cause she and gone fall back in love with the same man
But no matter what weather or what the rain bring
In the end I'm coming back for the same thing

If you hear me ever talking to myself
I'm just running through the words I have to say to you
Is it over, or is it too soon to tell?
I'm just trying not push myself away from you

If you hear me ever talking to myself
I'm just running through the words I have to say to you
Is it over, or is it too soon to tell?
I'm just trying not push myself away from you

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I left out some lyrics. Clearly this song was written about a couple, and my situation doesn't involve a couple and the lyrics were just getting stupid. Not to mention the grammar, or lack of, was driving me a little crazy!

Chiddy Bang - Talking To Myself (Live) - Music - More Music Videos